If I could do it for them … Motivation the dark side

I will admit to something . I have gained a bit of weight in the last months of 2014. Part of it was the simple good food of it all , part of it was me being away from home and dealing with a mad stressful situation and part of it was nothing is harder than working out in the cold when you are already unmotivated by circumstances. so now the 10 lbs I was trying to lose has risen to 25.

I have had a hard time motivating myself . I have the a fitbit and a Jawbone UP24 ( yes I have them both) and I invite people to add me to their teams because competition does help me but that does not help with the other thing. The other thing is eating , specifically boredom eating. I look at women with tiny tight bodies and think I can do this then I am confronted with fudgy brownies and I decide that it is overrated and unfeminine to be muscular. in other words I fill my self with crap . literally and figuratively ..sorry.

I then thought about the times when I lost a great deal of weight . the first was when I was 26 and lost 60 lbs in about 4 months. yes. 4 months. How? How did I do this feat of magic that left people that had seen me in month one scratching their heads at month 4 ?  it was hate. yes. the most toxic thing ever . HATE. I found out that my ex was a cheater and a liar ( both things are exclusive) and I decided that I had to be so hot that he would want to kill himself over me. it backfired because he actually kidnapped me and trying to force me into a marriage because hate is a bad thing but the point i started with was that I did lose 60 lbs in 4 months.

The second time was spite. I had lost weight and had gone from a size 16 to a 10 and someone asked me if I was a size 20! A FUCKING 20!  So I immediately lost an additional 20 lbs and landed in a size 4. take that bitch!

So i thought about those things and realized that I am not a difficult motivation person I just need something that makes me dig my heels in . and this time I decided that if I can do these things , that I have to stop saying that I am unmotivated. I am very motivated. and If I can do these things for hate and spite I can do them for me. I can decide that I love myself as much as I hated my lying cheating EX and the woman at the store. Here is some of my tricks .

  1. Mantra ; yes it is hokey. It is also effective.”If I could do it for them I can do it for me”  has  stopped me from diving head long into late night eating more than once.
  2. substitution. I have to say this , JIMACA IS NOT FRENCH FRIES!!! If one more website suggests that I eat a sliced Jimaca when I want fries I will scream. That having been said if you must eat having something friendly to eat is helpful. like olives or pickles.
  3. affirmations . Mantra’s bigger hokier brother but again effective. a nice lively round of ” I is good , I is smart , I is important ” really does help you not to finish off a pound of … well a pound of anything really. eat by the pound can’t be healthy.

These have been my things to replace the whole hate/spite thing and so far it has helped me tremendously.

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