Running away from myself


Fear Graffiti

Fear Graffiti (Photo credit: Michael Kappel)


I want to run. Actually, I want to want to run.  I want to be one of these super fit people that go running.  That ruin miles,  that run fucking marathons. I like runners,  Jennifer AnistonElizabeth Banks… I admire runners.  I am attracted to and by runners.  If you say you went for a run, you win the fitness challenge. They are not more fit than you unless you are birds and they say they went for a fly.Truth!


I can’t get my mind wrapped around the act of running though. I mean , I have all that I need to do it . I have feet. I have space. I have time. I have desire …. and I have a major amount of fear. Fear of running, am I alone? I fear failing. I fear vomiting. I fear looking like some people that I watch running on Memorial , looking like I am coming apart or like I am being chased by something scary ( you ever see people that just look odd running) and I can’t get away. I know that shouldn’t matter but I promised you honesty and yes I fear those things.


I want to do a marathon in 2015 , I  am finally close enough  to my goal that I can actually start preparing to run ( at 270 lbs running would have been torture) but it is something that I have to really push myself on.  Is it better to try on a treadmill first and then go on the trail? Where to begin. What is the best way to go , should I get a partner. And of course , how cute will I look in my jogging outfit?





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